Solo Mission
by MatsuHerO
Summary: Matsu rescues a Marvel character from both his enemies and obscurity.


Batman stood at the elevator of one of the Armageddon Zebra's lower deck. He had done excessive research on Matsu Her-O and his crew since arriving with his brother, the Joker, and had come to realize how lucky he was to be one of those chosen to represent the forces of good. He was not, however, sure about the man standing next to him.

Darth Vader's mask amplified his breath and his opaque lenses made him look as alien as the place he had hailed from, thought Batman, but he had to admire the man's dedication to a theme. In fact, between the mostly black ensemble, opaque lenses, and black cape, Vader reminded Batman more than a little of himself. Vader was also not one for small talk, which Batman appreciated. He hated small talk.

Suddenly, Vader's wrist beeped, and he looked at Batman in an almost sheepish way, as if to apologize. He tapped a button and began to speak, "Yes, Luke? I am sorry that Jon Her-O beat you at foosball. You simply have to become better at foosball. It's not as if we had ever seen foosball before coming here, and he has the benefit of not having a bionic hand. No, Luke. Do not use the Force. If you use the Force, he may go full Her-O, and then where would we all be? Yes, Luke. I'll see you at dinner." There was another beep and Vader looked over to Batman. "Kids, huh? It was much easier being an evil galactic despot than being a father."

Batman smirked, "Tell me about it."

"How many do you have? I have twins," said Vader.

"One that's actually mine," said Batman, "Then there's a bunch more I trained. Adopted two of them."

"I, too, have several apprentices," said Vader. "I have to admit that actually being a father might be more rewarding. Still, I sometimes want to smack that kid."

"Luke Skywalker? I met him. He seemed okay," said Batman. "He reminds me of my brother, for some reason…"

Before Batman could elaborate, the alarms went off. Another incursion had been detected.

#

On the Bridge, Matsu and his chosen few (Ethan Crane, Pokemaster Terrapin, and the Schmidt Brothers) listed to Bridgette, also known as Matsa She-Ro, brief them on the situation.

"We have confirmed deviations in Universe-616," said the computer, "Well, it's technically a universal cluster, but you know."

"That's the Marvel Universe," said Matsu, "Who are we helping today? The Avengers? The X-Men? The Fantastic Four?"

"None of them," said Matsa, "It looks like a man named Solo is having trouble against some Elder God supporters."

Ethan Crane asked, "Who the hell is Solo?"

"Some guy from the nineties," said Matsu, obviously disappointed. "He teamed up with Spider-Man, though. Is Spider-Man there?"

"No," said Matsa. "I think you should probably help him."

"I don't want to," said Matsu. "I guess I have to, though, to save the Fictosphere from tampering."

"All you do is tamper," said Ethan. "All of us are here because you tampered with things! The only one who isn't here because you tampered with things is Matsa, but that's still because tampering was being done!"

"He tried to tamper with me," said Pokemaster Terrapin. "We see how well that worked."

Everyone was silent, since Terrapin brought up the fact that his city had been burnt to the ground after several years of constantly trying to stay ahead of his mysterious antagonist and any number of region-spanning criminal organizations and zealot groups at any given opportunity. Even his Shuckle, who had been with him the entire time, averted his eyes awkwardly.

Jon Her-O broke the silence. He still dressed in black, but his hair was spiked and he was clean-shaven. Even his dire wolf had become something out of nightmares. Jon Her-O said, "We should help him, father. I think it is the right thing to do."

"God," said Matsu, and then, "No, no. Okay. We'll help him. What's the situation?"

"Shoggothians are attacking him. Or he's attacking them. In any case, they're not actively engaged in anything, but they are aligned with our enemies," said Matsa.

"Got it," said Matsu. "Take us in."

#

Solo sneered as he shot a truly extraordinary amount of bullets at the random cultists that he had attacked. He was a soldier of fortune who never turned down a job or asked too many questions, since he was from the nineties and liked shooting things, and had since become barely remembered by all but a few. Solo didn't care. Solo just liked to shoot, and he shot things, a lot. Suddenly, he was on a ship surrounded by Amish, fey vampires, and any number of characters from pop culture. Before he could register what was happening, a muscular man he instinctively knew to be Matsu Her-O pushed a button and a large whoomp sound echoed through the ship.

"Took them out from orbit," said Matsu. "I guess you're coming with us, Solo."

Solo pondered this for a moment, and asked, "Will I get to shoot things?"

"Absolutely," said Matsu.

"Wicked!" said Solo, and he strummed his gun like it was a guitar while making guitar noises, and everyone looked around in embarrassment.


End file.
